i don't have a heimat anymore.

heimat is a place, where you feel save, where you roots are. i lost mine.

i leave my heimat because it was too constricted. i left with the feeling of an emigrant: away from the heimat, into the future. i left behind my heimat, but it remained nevertheless my heimat.

the loss came later. as i lost the relationship, i lost my heimat too. i can't go back, because i don't feel save there anymore.

thus i became an exilian.

my lost heimat got such a dominance, as it would have never got otherwise. sometimes homesickness, a feeling which i didn't know before, do i have now.

at most I miss the language: it is the only place on earth, where people speak in such a way i do. :...-((